2018 Vision Board

I have always been goal oriented. An array of computers, cellphones, notebooks and sticky-notes list my “goals” and “to-do’s.” Some of these have been accomplished while others remain untouched, as evidence of my failed ambitions. I tend to be ambitious, but never follow through. A few nights ago I contemplated how I could change this. My thoughts MUST align with my feelings which MUST align with my actions. Let me explain…

My Thoughts = Those goals and aspirations I think about and strive to accomplish.
My Feelings = I must FEEL these goals already inside of me. If I have a goal to be fit (which I do), I have to already feel myself as a fit person. Any insecurities I have about my body will negatively affect my progress. To succeed, I must already envision my body as one that is fit.
My Actions = This is self-explanatory. I think and I feel and all that is left is to perform my goals.

The first bit of 2018 was an unsteady journey. I have been in an unmotivated and depressed slump ever since I returned from California back in December. My dark moments only put my life into a greater perspective. I created my Vision Board to realign my motivations and ambitions.

The way you think creates your reality for you. Most of my past goals were passive. “This year I will…” is a problematic statement. Using positive AND present affirmations is the only way to ensure that your goals will become a reality. Here are mine:

2018 Vision Board_118

This year:
I am my most authentic self
I am building an empire #GirlBoss #BossBitch
I am whole
I am fit
I am moving to New York
I am going to Morocco
I am going to Greece
I am a Vlogger
I am a writer

My daily positive affirmations (my thoughts, feelings, and actions) and the visual representation of my vision board will ensure the success of my ambitions. NONE of these visions have been accomplished yet. No plane tickets have been purchased, no jobs have been landed, no condos have been rented, and no entrepreneurship has begun. But, I am driven and I am attracting these positive experiences and opportunities into my life.  At my Reiki healing treatment yesterday, my Reiki master and friend confirmed that my spirit guides acknowledged that many of these goals will be accomplished.

What is one goal or opportunity you desperately want to accomplish and/or attract this year? How can you alter your thoughts and feelings to attract the best and most rewarding experiences your way?

2018 is going to be a big year for me. I can’t wait to share my stories with you!

Advertisements

#BellLetsTalk

Disclosure: I personally believe that mental health awareness should not be restricted to one day a year. I wrote this after finding out about recent suicides on my university campus. I thought today was an appropriate day to share.
Check out my acknowledgement of my own mental health here


I always wanted to be strong.

Imagine, 5’2″ me, the strongest woman in the world. I could build bridges, end wars, encourage world peace. I can bring diverse populations together. No more hunger; no more pain.

I can do this all because I am strong. My physical body would pave the way for the toughest journeys I would face. My fierce mentality would push me towards my goals. I would never give up.

I am strong.

But, this is all a fantasy.

When I experience my darkest episodes of depression and anxiety, I feel so weak. Like my physical body is burning away into a pile of ashes that will be blown into disappearance. Everyone will forget me. My soul feels unworthy. It feels like the runt of the litter. The worthless one.

How can someone so weak ever dream about being so strong?

And that is what mental illnesses can do to you. After hearing about a recent suicide at my university, I let out a huge sigh. Another individual, like me, suffering from a mental illness was taken way too soon.

Whenever I hear about suicides I shiver at the reality of it. That COULD have been me. I am beyond happy right now. Haven’t experienced an episode of depression or anxiety in months. But, I have been there. And for all I know, I might experience that again someday.

I am strong. Not because of my muscle mass or mental ability to retain information. I am strong because of the power I have to fight back against the darkness in my life. This is a strength that not everyone has. BUT, this is a strength that we all should be encouraging in one another.

A lot of my strength has been internally founded. I have discovered ways to overcome my episodes. Yes, I am strong. But, some of this strength was formulated through the positive energy around me.

A simple smile I received from a stranger; A “how are you text” from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while; A quick and quiet stroll in the park with a good friend.

These little events are what made me strong. On the exterior, I appear unbreakable. On the inside, my soul would weep in pain. This is a feeling I hope to never experience again, but this is a feeling I know so many individuals are familiar with.

Before you decide to bully someone (like seriously grow up if you still do this), purposely avoid eye contact with a stranger, or send any other form of negative vibes their way, please consider what these people might be going through.

Sometimes the people with the STRONGEST exteriors are in the deepest pain. Remember this.

In Malibu

The skies were not so blue the day I visited Malibu.


I giggle whenever I reminisce on my Malibu adventure. A newbie traveller, completely unaware that Malibu is its own city. Wait Malibu isn’t a beach along the LA coast? My mind was blown learning the ever so basic Greater Los Angeles area geography.

I was staying at a Santa Monica hotel and Malibu was a bucket-list destination for me. I assumed putting “Malibu” into my GPS would be a suffice method to get to the beach. I later found out there are multiple beaches in the city of Malibu. Yikes!

Processed with VSCO with 10 preset

Pre-Malibu picture. I’m devouring a Nutella cannoli from Carlo’s bakery. Damn, that pastry was so freakin’ delicious.

Malibu Pier

Processed with VSCO with au5 preset

After a 30 minute Uber ride (I literally thought Malibu was a 5 minute drive away), I found myself at the Malibu Pier. I wish I filmed my reaction. The whole pier, and I mean the WHOLE pier was filled with fog.

Processed with VSCO with au5 presetProcessed with VSCO with au5 presetProcessed with VSCO with s3 presetProcessed with VSCO with au5 preset
Thinking this smog would eventually clear out, I decided to fill my bikini body with some Mexican food – A new obsession I developed while in California. Finding the nearest restaurant – it was literally across the street – I ordered my favourite Mexican dish… Quesadillas!

Feeling stuffer than ever and not giving a damn, I was ready to hit a nearby beach for some sunlight, sand, and to consume those Malibu vibes. Having little knowledge about the Malibu beaches, I basically played Russian roulette with a list of beaches. The winner, El Matador beach.

El Matador

The fog did not clear up. In fact, I’m pretty sure it got worse. I knew I would despise myself if I didn’t at least glance at the beach. So, I gained the confidence (even with my super full stomach) to rip off my outfit and strut down the beach in my cheetah print bikini. Body positivity, no matter what shape, size, colour or ability is everything to me. I wanted to capture a few pictures of myself near the rock formations. They were absolutely breathtaking.

IMG_0503IMG_0504

To reflect on my Malibu experience, yes the fog absolutely sucked. But, I wasn’t going to let something so insufficient to ruin my day. The skies weren’t blue, but the views were still as extraordinary as I anticipated. To be given the opportunity to travel to such a naturally beautiful destination was rewarding on its own. Fog, or no fog, I am grateful to have consumed such beauty in Malibu.

Processed with VSCO with au5 presetProcessed with VSCO with au5 presetProcessed with VSCO with au5 preset

How Changing My Body Changed My Soul

You have all heard fitness stories a million times before. Mine is no different.


This year, I began my fitness journey. My love for fitness took a while to form. I never needed to lose weight. My weight perfectly aligned with my very petite frame. But, I was physically and mentally unhealthy. For starters, I was ALWAYS sick. My immune system resembled that of an elderly person. To be honest, my grandmothers have better immune systems than I do.

I have been involved in physical activities before, so I understand the mental benefits (if done correctly) associated with working out. For someone who enters deep and dark slumps fairly often, fitness has provided me with an escape. It has helped me clear my mind at times when I have struggled to see light.

Going to the gym never actually appealed to me. For starters, I hate cardio. I tend to get bored of routine exercises. The only appeal cardio machines have is that they are simple to use. Where I walk into a gym, I have absolutely no idea where to start. How do I build muscle? How do I target specific areas (**cough cough those love handles)? So many questions and so few answers.

Moving to California is what changed my perspective on working out. The recreational centre at Sacramento State is incomparable to any other school gym I have been in. There is a rock climbing wall situated between two floors, hourly fitness classes, two tracks, a swimming pool, and every workout machine imaginable.

Now onto my journey…

A bit about my body:

  • I’m 5’2″ and very petite (small bone structure)
  • I have a VERY fast metabolism (for now). For most people, this is a blessing. For me, it’s a curse. Whenever I got sick, (which used to be fairly often) I would lose most of my weight. Half of the time, I looked like a 12-year-old boy.

A bit about my workout history:

  • I only started regularly working out 4 months ago. In the past, I would go to the gym occasionally, but never enough to notice a difference in my health or body.
  • Some sports and fitness classes I used to do: Tae-kwon-do (Have my black belt), kick-boxing, yoga, softball, dance (hip-hop & jazz).

It’s a progress:

  • Give your body time to adapt and change. In the past, I would get discouraged by the lack of results I would see after intense workout sessions. Rapid change isn’t always suffice and/or healthy.
  • ENJOY THE PROCESS. Watching my perseverance and self control the past few months has been rewarding in its own. Even though my body has been SLOWLY changing, the greatest accomplishment for me has been witnessing the progression of my mental and physical strength this past year.

Namaste everyone,

Good luck on your 2018 fitness and wellness journeys!

How “The Bell Jar” Helped Me Acknowledge My Mental Illness

While decluttering my laptop the other day, I stumbled upon this passage I wrote. I have no idea when or why I wrote it. Whenever I’m in a deep state of anxiety or depression, I have absolutely no recollection of that moment. I must’ve written this passage when I was in one of those states. I read The Bell Jar 3 years ago, at a time when my anxiety was at its worst. This book changed my life – as you can see from the passage below.

Mental illness is a touchy subject. No one wants to acknowledge having any type of illness because of the implications and stigmas that come with it. Many people, including myself, are often in denial when symptoms of certain mental illnesses arise. I do not want to be classified as “sick” and neither does anyone else. Since socially constructed ideas of sickness often depict individuals requiring treatment, mental illnesses are perceived as such. Yet, the only treatment most people suffering from a mental illness needs is the acknowledgement that they are suffering and that it is okay and perfectly normal. After much research and openness of my anxiety, I have realized I am not alone. I feel comfort knowing that many individuals, including some of my best friends, experience and understand the same difficulties I face. I do not wish mental illness on anyone, but the bond that I feel with others who have mental health conditions is indescribable.

Sylvia Plath’s “The Bell Jar,” spoke to me like no other book I have read. I receiving the same university degree as her and have the same career goals as she did. I hope that I can impact and help those suffering, like she was able to help me. Her suicide touched me as if it were my own. The realization of the valuably of human life made me understand the importance of fighting through, no matter how hard the battles may become. One life does not just impact that life. When Sylvia Plath took her life, she did not know that almost 50 years later, someone would be impacted by it. I was impacted because I understand her pain. We all understand each others’ pain. When one battle with mental illness is lost, we are all affected. We must get through it together and support each other regardless of the illness that is being fought. We live in an age where mental illness is so widely acknowledged that almost everyone knows someone who is affected. Mental illness impacts us all. Yet, there is still a stigma associated with it. I have acknowledged my fear of illness so that others can as well.

Together, we can end the stigma. Together, we can help each other get through.